Friday, July 13, 2012

Update on my dad

I figured this would be the easiest way to update everyone on my dad's current condition. So here it goes:

Long story short dad has an infection in his foot that has be partially amputated and never healed 100% from 2 years ago in the bone and the surrounding tissue. It has spread into the blood, making him sepsiss (sp?) (blood poisoning). This is in turn affecting his congestive heart failure causing fluid to build up in/around his heart & lungs causing him to require oxygen to breathe and is also affecting his kidneys. This totally explains the symptoms he has been having the last few days. He can't stay awake/coherent/alert, can't stand or walk because he is too weak. He can't really talk, he just mumbles. So the plan is surgery today to remove the infected bone & tissue and continue IV antibiotics. The hope is that this will clear up the blood infection & his heart & kidneys will improve. I'm sure I am leaving something out, but that is the jest of it.

Please send healing & positive vibes that he will pull through this and can go back home. My dad has been through so much these last few years health wise. He is a fighter and I can only hope he can regain enough strength to fight through this. And any hugs you wanna send my way are appreciated too :-)

I want to thank all of you for the support. Please, please know it is MUCH appreciated. I love you all! And a very special thank you to Zak for the phone chat & letting me cry it out. I am the strong one in my family, but sometimes I need someone to lean on too and I'm so glad you answered the phone when I called. :-).

Sunday, July 8, 2012

My shyness is my disability...

I am shy. I have been my entire life.  If I know you, and I'm comfortable around you, I am an open book and rarely hold back. But...if not, I am terribly shy and guarded. Some perceive this as stand-off-ish or maybe even snobiness.  I am neither.  I HATE that I am so shy.  I think it stems from a fear of rejection or something...who knows.  I have never been one to initiate...especially when it comes to the opposite sex.  So how does someone that is as shy as I am put herself back out there??? Well, that is the million dollar question.  But I am trying. 

Here is a quote I saw today & want to share.

"Don't rely on someone else for your happiness and self worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can't love and respect yourself - no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are - completely; the good and the bad - and make changes as YOU see fit - not because you think someone else wants you to be different." - by Stacey Charter

I need to read this quote everyday. I have a lot to offer the right person...if they are man enough to break down my guard. I hope he is out there...and hope he finds me soon.

Is this thing still on????

Man it has been a while since I blogged. Where has the time gone...and what the hell have I been doing? Who knows....I've drank and slept a lot since March. :-). I haven't been running much in the last few months. I did a 5k on was hot & humid, but it did feel good to run again & see all my DRC peeps. Thankfully the fall training season starts up in a fews weeks and I can get back on track. I have to drop some of this weight I've put back on. Lately I had given up on dating. I have a profile on a dating site that has been up a while, but no one ever really sparked my interest. Until recently. I am one who usually keeps my guard up at first, that is what one does when your heart has been broken a few times. But it isn't easy for me to express my feelings. I wish I could wear my emotions on my sleeve. Right now I have butterflies...and I haven't felt this way in a very long time. It is scary. Terrifying. I'm afraid it will end up being too good to be true. I'm sure I'll do something to screw it up...I usually do. At least I think so. I either come on too stromg or not strong enough. I know I am a lot to handle. But I really hope this one sticks around. We seem to have a lot in common from music to tv shows. I mean how many guys out there really watch Gator Boys?!? I really want to introduce him to my friends...I know they'd like him too. But all in due time. Right now I am enjoying getting to know him better. I'm not sure if I will post this or not, and if I do I hope he doesn't see it & run away. But I guess that is the chance I take expressing my feelings on a blog. But I do feel better.